Fearless Can be Deceitful

Fearless can be deceitful.  The other day a friend of mind from my hometown called me “fearless” because I moved from Virginia to South Carolina five years ago.  I never considered myself fearless.  I was simply doing what I needed to do in order to make a better life for myself.  As a motivational speaker people think that you always have it together.  You have the ability to change lives by your speeches and words of encouragement.  No one really knows the lonely nights and sad days that you spend trying to move from an empty place inside yourself, when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned.  No one sees your tears as you try to go through your daily routine knowing that you are falling apart inside.  Sometimes it’s a small sore because of something beyond your control, but then another thing pops up that causes the scab on that small sore to fester and become worst.  No matter how hard you to try to get back to that “good” space by doing what normally brings peace, there is an unavoidable loss that only the voice of another can heal.  A loss that only a touch from someone else can heal.  A loss that only time will heal.  No!  No one has died.  No one has gone to the hospital.  No one has hit you.  Life has thrown you a curve ball and it seems that all the bases you planned on touching has moved so far away, that you can barely see the short stop or the catcher because of the tears running down your face.  You reach for the phone to call a friend, but you change your mind because you wish they would call you instead.  You turn down holiday parties because you can’t handle the crowd.  Although you want to be with others, on the other hand you don’t want to bring your negative energy to an otherwise happy occasion.  Fearless can be deceitful!