Category: Inspirations

A few weeks ago I had an interesting encounter with a young waitress.  Won’t name the restaurant, because that’s irrelevant.  I hesitated about writing this blog, but for some reason the encounter keeps sticking out in my mind.  So here we go!

As I get closer to old age, I am realizing that what used to be important me is no longer the same as when I was in my twenties or thirties.  I recall when I would go off on a waiter/waitress if the service was poor.  But nowadays it is more about a lesson to be taught rather than getting my way.  One day I decided that I had spent the majority of my allowed energy on getting things done in the house/office, and I did not feel like preparing a meal.  Plus, I had a taste for a nice salad.  So I only knew one place that would fit the bill and would not be disappointing in taste.  As I sat at the restaurant with my books and magazines, the waitress came and welcomed me and took my order.  Since I knew exactly what I wanted she only had to make one trip.  Shortly thereafter, my drink came and later my salad.  As I ate my salad, read my material and observed the people around me, I noticed that she never came back to my table to see if I was happy with my salad or needed anything else.  However, she spent a lot of time at the table next to me, which had three adults and a baby.  She constantly made sure that they were happy with their order, made small talk and played with the baby, but never looked over at me once, or stopped to ask if I was okay. She only returned to my table to bring my food, and once to ask if I needed anything else.  I watched this scenario play out for more than an hour as I continually got frustrated.  I did eventually ask her to get me more napkins, because the one I had was obviously worn out.  She never noticed!  Her final trip to my table was to bring my check.

I spent two hours in this restaurant.  As I sat there, I decided that I was going to report her to the manager, and also was not going to leave her a tip.  Just before I prepared to leave, I noticed that she was working on the other side of the restaurant in addition to serving my side.  That’s when I had a change of heart.  As she approached my table, I decided to talk to her rather than report her to the manager.  I simply explained my feelings to her.  I shared with her that I had worked in that particular restaurant and know the protocol for service.  I also told her what my intentions were before she came over to me, but let her know that I decided against reporting her.  I indicated that I wanted this to be a learning process for her rather than a reprimand.  I also indicated that I did not plan to give a tip, but also had a change of heart about that.  When it was all said and done, she apologized and promised to do better and asked me to please come again and ask for her so she could prove that the lesson was learned.  We hugged and I was on my way.  This encounter has meant so much to me and I hope that it meant as much to her.  I had no idea how I had grown.  Sometimes it only takes one person to make a difference!

No matter how nice we are, all of us have been accused of some type of wrong doing.  It might be work related, a family matter, or an issue with a friend.  The majority of the time the confusion comes because both people see the situation from a different perspective.  Either you said or did something that the other person felt should not have been said or done or you overhead a conversation that affects how you now look at another person.  Whatever the case may be, there is no need to take things out of context.  Once you learn to accept what people are feeling without taking on what they are thinking, it will be easier to operate in your own truth.  What I mean by that is you don’t always have to agree with the way somebody else explains the situation to you.  Perhaps what you did made them look bad.  As long as your intention was not to make them look bad, then it’s okay to accept what they are feeling without taking on their way of thinking.  A lot of times we carry the hurt of someone else’s perception of us for way too long.  We stop calling and visiting.  Before long you realize that weeks and months have passed since you spoke to each other.  I have learned that most of the time when I hold on to what someone has said to me, they have moved on and forgotten about it.  It’s been said that, if you know how little people think of you, then you wouldn’t care what they think of you.  Also, most of what we fear in life never really happens.  We spend way too much time worrying about what will happen instead of enjoying what is happening.  Be yourself and allow others to do the same.

When it comes to making mistakes, we have all been there, done that and got the T-shirt!  I challenge you, as we come to the close of another year and look forward with anticipation to 2015, to look at your mistakes with new eyes.  It’s only a mistake if you make it twice.  The first time is a lesson.  Once you get this message you will stop beating yourself up for things that show up in your life to grow you.  Everything you go through is to help get you to where you’re going to.  The sooner you learn the lesson the sooner you can move on to the good stuff.  I’m reaping the benefits of all my mistakes, and the good stuff is here!  Some of the lessons took a while to learn, but I got it now.  I am ready to sit down at the table.  Yes!  What I mean by this is, a lot of times we feel that we have nothing to bring to the table.  We feel that our experiences are not legitimate enough to join in the conversation.  Often times we think we need more education, more intellect, more something!  Not so much.  You never know who is looking for what you have to offer.  So speak up and join the roundtable!

E-mail: gerispeak@yahoo.com

Website: www.gerispeak.com

 

 

 

(November)

 

Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it. We know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  As a breast cancer survivor, that is the busiest speaking time of the year for me.  Well this year I had five speaking engagements in October, three of which included a vendor table with my books, plus a “Book Launch” in September.  You talking about a tired sista!  I was so worn out that I decided November will be my reflect and relax month.  I’m not trying to make anything happen.  If somebody calls me and ask me to speak, then I will jump for joy.  Otherwise, I will be relaxing.

When I made the decision to take some time just for me, I realized that part of my tiredness came from my expectations of myself and others. It was not so much the speaking and writing as it was me stepping outside of my zone to create the perfect setting.  Rather than focus on my gift, I spent an enormous amount of time trying to make sure that every one knew I was speaking and was planning on coming to see me.  What I failed to remember is, my speaking is not a show.  By the time I got ready for the last engagement, I realized that people have lives outside of what I am doing.  I set myself up for disappointments and created my own stress, to the point where friends were calling me on the day of the event to find out the time and location.  Obviously my event was not important enough for them to plan ahead and know the details of when and where.  A valuable lesson learned again. Our expectations arise from our inability to experience things as they are. My speaking engagements were a huge success although some of my friends were not there.  So, as I take November to reflect and relax, I will move forward knowing that the people who need to be in the room will be there.  Everybody can’t go where you are going, so stop trying to take them with you.

What’s in YOUR bag?

We have all heard the popular Capital One commercial, where Samual L. Jackson asks, “What’s in YOUR wallet?”  Well I’d like to know “What’s in YOUR bag?”  Talking about our pocketbooks and tote bags ladies.  The stuff we carry around, just in case!  Our bags have been described as having everything in them except the kitchen sink.  If we could get the kitchen sink in there we would probably put that in too.  We just want to be ready for whatever comes up.  When our kids were small we carried things we thought we might need for them, especially stuff to keep them quiet in church or in the store. As they got older, we starting carrying other things that we thought we might need or others might need, such as safety pins, or needle and thread.  It made us feel good when someone asked if we had something and we could reach right down in our pocketbooks and pull it out. Nothing wrong with being ready.  But let’s talk about carrying everybody else’s problems in your bag. You spend day and night trying to figure out how to keep people from acting a certain way.  We need to learn how to listen without commenting when people bring us negative information. We need to know how to shut it down. Because if you listen long enough you are going to hear something that will make you comment. And then there’s the unnecessary stuff in our bags.  Nothing wrong with being ready, but  sometimes we can be more than ready.  Always preparing for the worst. Ladies you know how we are. We had our hearts broken before, so this time we play the game a little differently. When he calls us we act like we are not excited to get the call. And  when he tells us to call him back another day, we take our time because we want to make him wait. And then there are ladies who can’t seem to keep a man, and people have told you that no man is going stay with you, so you don’t expect any man to hang around. Then you treat every man you meet as though he won’t be around long. Self-fulfilling prophesy as he walks out the door.  But we ready!  Ready for him to leave.  Sometimes we need to go with the flow and see where God takes us.  Your blessing may not come wrapped in a beautiful package, but it may be just what the doctor ordered.

 

 

Twenty-nine years ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  This post is not about cancer, but you need to understand the back story in order to capture the significance of what I am about to write.

As I celebrated my new life today, like I always do on every anniversary of my surgery, I found new meaning.  I was eating lunch at chili’s, one of my favorite restaurants, and reading Steve Harvey’s new book, “Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success,” when I came upon chapter five, where he talks about doing what you were meant to be doing in life.  In this chapter, titled, Not What You Are Paid For, but What You Were Made For, Mr. Harvey says, “I remember the day that I decided to change my life.  It was Tuesday, October 8, 1985, In Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.”    As I sat there enjoying my meal and reading his book, I realized that this is the same exact date of my surgery twenty-nine years ago.  Since I don’t believe in coincidences or happenstance, I firmly believe that this book and this particular chapter on this particular day was a divine appointment from God.

In the past two months my life has taken on an exciting turn of events.  I am doing what I love and have wanted to do for thirty years.  Although I played around with the idea of becoming a speaker for many years, this year I can truly say I was born to do this!  Like Mr. Harvey, I too remember vividly the day that I decided to change my life.  It was Thursday, October 2, 2014.  As I spent four hours with my coach, Katrina Johnson, of Mirelli Entreprenuer Training Center for Women, going over strategies and professional techniques designed to propel me into the speaking arena, I found myself getting excited as I prepared my press release.  Ms. Johnson laughed at me when I said, “I am getting excited about myself!  I want to meet that person.”  I knew then without a shadow of a doubt that I was on my way.  I knew that I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make my dreams come true.  Now I do something that I have never done before, that is, work on my dream every day.  No matter how small the task may be, I do something that gets me closer to my vision.  Whether it’s sending an e-mail, making a phone call or reading inspirational materials.  Even this blog has become an important part of my vision.  Hopefully someone out there will make the decision to go for their dreams because of something they read from me.

 

 

 

When we think of unconditional love the first thing that comes to mind is the love we have for our children. No matter how wrong they may be, we still love them.  And then there is the love of God, which comes with no conditions attached.  Suppose God loved the way we do?  What if He didn’t provide for our needs unless we served Him?  There are many areas where unconditional love can be expressed.  If you have been married for decades, there has to be some unconditional loving going on.  Most of us think of love as a word that requires intimate feelings.  There are different kinds of love, which can all be unconditional.  There is love for your brothers and sisters.  Love for your friends, and even love for people who continually put you down. Unconditional love is a lot easier than we realize. It is not the hole in us that receives the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining.  It may feel like you are always being dumped on when you love unconditionally.  However, when you can move beyond the drama and still show up with a smile, that says a lot about you and your character.  It’s normal for the dog to howl at the moon, but when the moon talks back then the dog becomes famous.  You want people to be sharing your name for the right reason; because you are the one who brings the sunshine into the room.  It’s almost like the party couldn’t start until you arrived.  Unconditional love does not mean that you accept everything that is going on around you.  It means that you respect people’s differences although you may step aside when something doesn’t agree with your spirit.  It is easy to go along just to get along, but it takes a lot of courage to keep your mouth shut when all around you are complaining.  When in doubt, say nothing.  Every conversation does not need your input.  Sometimes unconditional love expresses itself through silence!

Have you ever had days when you felt like the world was on everybody’s side except yours? Do you sometimes believe that no matter what you do life will always be a struggle?  Are there times when you just don’t have an ounce of energy for nobody but yourself?  Guess what?  We have all been there.  I have a testimony for each of the above scenarios.  For me the glass was always half-empty, until I learned the secret to turning lemons into lemonade.  No matter how bleak the situation may be, there is always another story going on behind the scene.  The solution depends on how you frame the picture.  As human beings we tend to see things through filtered lens.  We see things based on how it was the last time something similar came our way.  We judge today based on what happened yesterday, and sabotage tomorrow in the process.  As a writer and author, I am blessed to be able to see life through a variety of lens.  Everything in life can be turned into a positive if you choose to see the bigger picture.  In my new book, Reframing Your Picture – True Life Stories of Turning Negatives Into Positives, I share numerous personal stories about things that happened to me and how I found a way to see outside the frame.  You can do the same thing.  Either the glass is half-empty or half-full.  You make the decision!

 

e-mail: gerispeak@yahoo.com

website: www.gerispeak.com